A parent's love

I was reading an article out of a magazine recently.  I loved the correlation that it made between how we as parents deal with children and how are Father in Heaven deals with us.

Eli has been difficult lately and I have been feeling inadequate as mother and how I am dealing with my frustration.  I read this article and it made me cry, thinking about how awesome God’s love is.  It was just what I needed to hear.  Here is an excerpt. 

God knew every sleep-deprived thought I’d ever have, every burst of anger I’d ever display, every chink in my armor, every dark corner of my unloving heart.  He knew I’d be selfish and irrational, forgetful and unorganized, inadequate and completely incapable.

            And yet he still chose me.

            And he still chose you.

God still chooses neurotic, insecure women to be moms because he knows that parenthood provides one of the best pictures he could give us of his unconditional love.  He chose parenthood so that one day we could look into the eyes of our children, clearly see all their failures and shortcomings and, without hesitation from the very depths of our soul, say, “I love you no matter what.”

All with the hope that in this image, we’ll see the shadow of another; the reflection that is us – broken children standing before a loving father.  And in spite of us, God loves us with a love that transcends understanding.

MomSense Jan/Feb 2009 p25

 

I think about how much I love Eli, in the midst of him driving me crazy.  I just love the idea that God made us parents, so that we could have a glimpse of how much he loves us, despite how much I’m driving Him crazy.

Thank you Lord for your timing in letting me read this article and for a deeper understanding of your love.

 John 15:12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

Summer 1995 Witness to Friends

This is one of my faavorite personal expriences I have ever had with the Lord and has helped guide my path.

            One summer in high school, I was at a senior high camp outside of Columbia, MO.  I decided that I would take considerable time out to fast over several days.  I spent a lot of time reading scripture and praying for several of my friends.  I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing or what I was praying about.  I didn’t even tell my sister, who was also at the camp with me.  In many ways I was kind of a hermit that week.  Instead of going to some of the activities I spent the time reading my scriptures, praying and fasting.  As the week went on, I began to wonder if God was hearing my prayers.  Did He even know who I was.  As insignificant as I am, was he interested?

            On the last day of camp we had a dedication service to finish the week off.  At that service another camper, whom I had not spoken much to, stood up and spoke.  She said, “Erin, Jesus wants you to know that if you will witness to your friends, he will make you strong.”  Wow!  The Spirit flooded over me strongly and I began to cry.  I had not told anyone what I had been praying about and here God was speaking directly to me, addressing my needs and desires.  More than that, he had called me by name.  He knew my name!  He knew my concerns and he cared enough about me to tell me so.  That was a life changing experience from my youth.  I remember I was on a spiritual high afterwards, even when I got home.  Even today I feel the Spirit when I think about this testimony.  How important it is for all of us to know that Jesus knows our name and loves us.

PRAISE HIM

I have been reading the book Disciple by Juan Ortiz.  Yesterday it talked about how we need to praise the Lord specifically and in all things.  Don’t just say praise the Lord, but tell the Lord why you are praising him.  He said instead of complaining about the weather, why don’t we find something in the weather to praise God about.  For instance, that the freeze has finally killed the pirate gnats that have been biting me.  J  I decided that I wanted to practice praising the Lord in all things.

Today I needed to clean the bathroom.  Usually I grumble the whole time about how I can’t stand to clean the bathroom.  Today I consciously thought of things that I was thankful for in the bathroom.  I was thankful that I could have running water and a toilet indoors.  I was thankful for proper cleaning supplies that would kill germs.  I was thankful for lenolium on my floor that is so easy to clean up.  I was even thankful that I had only one bathroom instead of two, because that meant less time cleaning bathrooms.  I even started singing a thank you song I made up.  It was amazing.  I honestly did not mind cleaning my bathroom this morning.  I actually kind of enjoyed it and I also enjoyed trying to think of different ways that I was thankful.   Men are that they might have joy.  When God tells us to do something, it is not because he enjoys ordering us around.  It is because he knows how to make us happy.  When we do what he says not only are we pleasing God, but it also makes us joyful.  Thank you Lord for helping me remember the joy that comes from praising you!

Fruits of the Spirit

Galatians 5: 22-23

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance; against such there is no law.

At a prayer service before reunion Dad read this scripture several times.  We were asked to really think about a specific fruit of the Spirit that we would like to have in our lives and pray for it that week.  The two fruits that I chose were joy and faith.  I wanted a joy that people would be able to see and a stronger faith to help make a difference in people’s lives.

I could feel my joy becoming more full at reunion and I have continued to have the gift of joy for two months now.  I have a noticeably different appreciation for my life.  I find myself being so grateful for each day with my kids.  I feel like I am able to deal with them with so much more love and patience.  I am so appreciative of my husband also. 

I especially noticed more joy when Peter left for a few days several weeks ago to minister in Austin, TX.   Normally I would be worried about being alone with a new baby and toddler.  When Peter leaves I can tend to get overwhelmed and sometimes a little sullen.  I did not feel any of these things while he was gone.  I honestly loved every moment I had with the kids for those few days.  I was also able to be very productive.  I actually got more done than when Peter is home.  It’s hard to explain, but as I was going throughout my days while Peter was gone, I felt like I was reminded of my desire for joy and that the Lord was showing me that he was giving me this gift.

Now, recently with Kyle doing so well, how can that do anything but strengthen my faith.

I am so grateful for the gifts of the Spirit, joy and faith, that the Lord has given to me.  I encourage you to read over the fruits of the Spirit several times and ask God to give you the fruit that you need most in your life.

 

 

 

Healing!

I put this first entry in my journal back in June.  Today I received word that Kyle had been healed.  I included an email from his mother that I received today.  Praise the Lord!  His ways are so awesome!

JUNE 12, 2008 PRAY FOR KYLE 

            Kyle comes to 70’s Reunion each year and he and their family are wonderful people.  A week ago it was discovered that Kyle has cancer throughout his entire body.  It looks pretty grim to be able to get rid of all of it.  There have been many people praying for him, including Peter and I.  I feel like we just need to ask for a healing in faith.  The Mount Ayr congregation prayed and fasted for him all day last Sunday.  During their prayer service Dad asked that they claim the promise that “where there are two gathered together and don’t ask amiss it shall be granted unto them.”  I have felt the Spirit very strongly as I’ve prayed for Kyle and their family.  The family is also practicing their faith and looking for a healing.  I look forward to seeing how the Lord will answer our prayers.

July 31, 2008 KYLE HEALED!

We just got back from the hospital a little while ago.  Kyle's hemoglobin had dropped to 6.9 as of yesterday, so we spent the afternoon at the hospital getting a blood transfusion as well as talking to Dr. Dole.  Yesterday, Kyle had an MRI and a CT scan to check our progress.  Today, we got the results from Dr. Dole, who called them remarkable.  The tumor down by Kyle's tailbone that was originally the size of a softball is now what Dr. Dole described as a "lesion" about 1 cm long.  The radiologist had to indicate where the lesion was in the picture with an arrow because it's so small.  His bones and his lungs are clear.  Praise the Lord.  It is truly miraculous what he can do and that he bothers doing so much for us as imperfect as we are.

Dr. Dole will talk with the surgeon, but he feels that the surgeon will probably not want to operate.  He's not sure if the surgeon could find it, and it probably isn't worth putting Kyle through surgery for that.  He does, however, still want us to come in next week for the 3-day cycle of chemo that Kyle is scheduled to receive.  He also wants us to consult with the radiologist and begin radiation treatments that will last 4-5 weeks.  Basically, we probably won't do surgery, but Dr. Dole wants everything else to remain the same including resuming chemotherapy after radiation for a total of 45 weeks or so.

So... we would really appreciate prayers that we might make the right decisions from here on out.  The doctor isn't going to be able to tell us to quit what we're doing, but I have a hard time putting Kyle through a year's worth of chemo for something I already believe is healed and taken care of by the Lord.

 It is hard to express my feelings at the moment.  It's not over yet, I know, but I feel so relieved, I cannot even begin to tell you.  I feel like the Lord has been with us from the beginning.  I have felt his sprit and his love with me often.  I know that the peace and absolute confidence that I have had (and still have) that Kyle would be healed could only have come from Him.  I'm way too much of a worrier for it to have come from me.  :-)  I feel like He has been using us and this experience in an effort to reach out to many people to let them know that He still exists, He is unchangeable and thus still possesses all the power that He ever had to perform miracles and work wonders, and He loves us, more than we could possibly understand.  I feel very blessed indeed.  Thank you for all your prayers and your continued prayers.

Love, Pam

 

Why write testimonies?

I have kept a journal of my day to day blessings from the Lord for several years now.   It has been a wonderful way for me to remember the times the Lord has blessed me in my life.  If I ever have moments of doubt or uncertainty I just have to read my journal and it is easy to remember that the Lord has been with me in so many different ways.

Unfortunately my car was broken into during Thanksgiving of last year and my journal was stolen.  I have been working periodically over the last eight months to remember as many testimonies as I can.  This time I decided to type them on my computer, so that I would not lose a paper copy.  Recently my computer crashed and I almost lost the testimonies that I had just rewritten.  Now I have decided to put my testimonies on the internet in the hopes that it will be a safe place for them to reside. 

When my journal was stolen I hoped that whoever took it would at least read it and be blessed by it.  I hope that by putting my testimonies on this blog that others will be blessed and be encouraged to begin keeping their own record of the Lord’s hand in their life.